Every Time I See a Child Smile, I Think “This is why Ben died.”
For any mom who loses a son, you wonder ‘why’? Why did this happen? Why me? Why us? What could I have done to keep him well? And the worst question of all that comes from a place of guilt – is there anything I could have done differently to deliver a different outcome?
For me, I believe the answer is no.
When Ben Comes Home
Mommy, when Ben comes home, I’m going to show him this book.
You’re such a good brother, I would say.
This conversation or something very similar would happen more times than I could count. And probably for at least the six weeks following Ben’s death. This was just one of many questions or innocent thoughts I had from my then three-year-old son about his brother.
A Boy Named Colin. My Son.
Mom, I’m going to work over here.
My son said to me while we were clearing the snow from our drive and sidewalks recently.
Ok, babe, that’s great. You’re a wonderful helper, is how I responded.
There are moments I forget HE IS ONLY SIX YEARS OLD. This was one of them.
A Boy Named Ben.
Benjamin Robert. He was beautiful. Round face and big cheeks. Longest eye lashes I’d ever seen. And a smile so bright that could bring so much joy. He was my heart and my soul. My son.
Do We Really Need Resolutions?
Everyone is still talking about resolutions for the New Year including eating less, moving more, etc etc. Are these the resolutions that are REALLY needed?